Because people got patriotic and Finland still sucks

The 2010 Winter Olympics concluded last night in Vancouver and I believe the events lived up to everyone's high expectations, aka most people not giving a shit.  But I was entertained at times, and if you missed it here are the top 10 most noteworthy...umm things... listed subjectively.  Or maybe objectively.  Fuck it, listed downwards.

10. Opening Ceremony

Well it was just as gay as any Olympic ceremony with a little more panache, and technical difficulties.  They had a bunch of Indians (ha I don't have to call them Native Americans since they're Canadian, and like Hell I'm being PC about those canucks) dancing around for an hour.  Then all the athletes from all 200 countries walked around in a circle.  It's amazing when there are random countries like Ethiopia that have one Olympian, and they never compete in any sports that people have heard of.  I'm pretty sure spear chucking isn't a Winter Olympic sport...wow that's racist...it will probably be added in 2014 now.  The best part though is when they brought out Wayne Gretzky, Steve Nash, and 2 other athletes no one has ever heard of, to light the Olympic torch.  They had this giant device that came out of the ground for the athletes to light, however, the damn thing didn't work.  They had to stand there for like 5 minutes, while people tried to figure out what was going on.  It was quite amusing to see such a big embarassment on such a big stage.  Perhaps a bad omen for Canada?

9. Apolo Anton Ohno- American Speedskater

This dude is one of America's most accomplished Winter Olympians, but was disqualified and had a poor showing in 2006.  This time around he had a little more luck on his side.  In his first race, Ohno was 4th heading into the final turn when all of a sudden the skater from Korea in second lost his balance and took out his teammate in third.  Ohno and fellow American J.R. Celski capitalized winning Silver and Bronze respectively.  Ohno almost won another silver medal in a later race when another 2 skaters fell, but Ohno ended up being disqualified for a slight push.

8. Canadian women have class

After winning the Canada Women's hockey team defeated the U.S. for the gold medal, they later celebrated on the ice.  This celebration included drinking beer and champagne, while smoking cigars and rolling around with each other.  They took some heat for this, but I don't know what other way hockey players would celebrate.

7. Curling woes

You know, I went into these Olympics wanting to think that curling could be fun to watch.  God is it awful.  The U.S. men and women's teams both did terrible.  There were a few cute chicks on some of the curling teams: Denmark had 2 hot sisters (found out one of them posed nude for a calendar) and Russia had a couple nice ones as well.  But that shit is way too long and I still don't completely get how it works.

6. Apparently figure skating pairs are big in Kentucky

It's awfully strange how many brother/sister pairs compete in figure skating considering the moves they are pulling off on each other.  Like in Blades of Glory, but this ain't comedy, it's just wrong. 

5. Fuck Finland

Like I said in my Olympic preview, Finland is one country that can go head and suck my balls.  They only won 5 medals, 4 of which were bronze.  We kicked their ass in hockey too.  Suck one Teemu Selanne.

4. Lindsey Vonn

She was supposed to be the face of the Olympics, but spent a lot of time with that face in the snow.  She overcame a bruised shin to win a gold medal in her first race, and everyone was like "she's so brave".  Then she went on to crash in 3 out of her 4 remaining events.  She did win a bronze in the other event, so she did alright overall and broke her pinky.  American Julia Mancuso got two silvers and is even hotter.

3. NBC sucks

I have so many complaints from tape delayed events and hockey games to putting some of the best games on CNBC and MSNBC.  They favored figure skating over hockey.  Now there are gonna be more kids growing up wanting to learn how to do a triple axle rather than wanting to learn how to play hockey.  Thank you NBC for helping to doom the youth of America into being complete pussies.  

2. Joannie Rochette- Canadian figure skater

As I predicted, there is always one smoking hot women's figure skater.  It just turns out that the hottest one this year also had the most heart-wrenching story.  2 days before her short program routine, Rochette's mother suddenly died of a heart attack.  She persevered and ended up winning a bronze medal.  No matter how much I would like to talk about how hot I think she is, her story is pretty amazing.  Not to mention she learned English by watching Scooby Doo.  I got dibs, find your own sympathy story.  Meilleurs souhaits.

1. U S Fuckin A

We pulled off an Olympic record 37 medals, including firsts in Nordic Skiing and Bobsled.  But most importantly the hockey team came to represent.  A team made up of grinders, role players, scrubs, whatever you wanna call them, pulled off in amazing feat in the greatest hockey tournament ever played.  The U.S. team outwilled, outfought, outhustled, outplayed every team on the way to playing in the gold medal game against powerhouse Canada.  The U.S. defeated Canada in the preliminary round, but just fell short in the final game.  The best hockey game I've ever seen ended in heart-breaking fashion for America.  After making a miraculous comeback to tie the game with only 25 seconds left in the game, America sent the game to overtime.  Sidney Crosby, the best player in the NHL, and unfortunately a Canadian, won the game in overtime for Canada.  But damn, like I said best game I've seen, and I pity anyone who missed it.  Even non-hockey fans were balls deep in the game.  Highest rated hockey game in 30 years in the U.S.  Eventhough America only ended up with a silver medal, they showed a lot of grit, and the future of American hockey is very bright.