Adventures in Trainrobbing: Strippers Drink Bags of Wine

I have been trying hard to remember more random stories from my year spent living in Tempe two years ago, but I feel as though I have told or forgotten most of them.  I guess it makes sense that sometimes you have to be under the influence of alcohol or pot to remember the times that you were fucked up.  It was really a different world I was living in over there.  The characters, the visuals, the mindset.  I was just high all the time and goin with it I guess.  My roommate and I used to call our adventures, Trainrobbing. 

Anyway one story I do recall is one I haven't written down before, so perhaps it will help trigger out some more memorable adventures.  One night, my roommate Mark was really adamant about wanting to find a party.  It was outside his character, he really only gave a fuck about finding good weed usually.  My suitemate Sturtz and his friend Jay came through letting us know about a party at a house nearby.  We catch a ride with them to the house and find that there are only a few people there.  I guess it was the three chicks that lived there and a couple of their friends.  They had a keg outback, but the pump broke so all the people there left.  I start talking up one of these girls cuz she is cute, and seemed at least mildly interested.  Then of course two seconds later she gets a call from her boyfriend and leaves.  Fuckin story of my life, but I digress.  Remaining of the girls was a skinny blonde girl and a slutty fat Mexican girl.  The blonde ends up leaving and we learn from the Mexican girl that the blonde is a stripper.  She decides to invite over her friend, who is also a stripper at the same place as the blonde.

Stay with me, its now me and 4 other guys hanging out with an unattractive girl and her stripper friend is on the way.  We are hanging out by the pool when the stripper shows up.  She's Mexican, decently attractive, very flat for a stripper though and just earlier in the day broke up with her boyfriend.  So the dude Jay and his friend decide to go get a tap for the keg, while us other 3 hangout by a pool with a fat slut and an emotional stripper...oh yeah, btw at this point the stripper is drinking a box of wine, well I mean the bag inside of those boxes.  Soon enough both girls strip down to their underwear and get in the pool.  We are kinda just watching and then Sturtz says in his guido talk "yo bro, get in the pool and get those girls".  (I know that didn't sound that guido but the motherfucker started wearing juicy couture, really gay sunglasses, and used words like "bro", "dank", "beat", "straight kill", etc.  Fuckin coke head.)

So I strip down to just my boxers and get in the pool.  First of all, the boxers I had on were a pretty old pair so they were like a thin material and white with blue stripes, so getting in the water immediately made them flesh colored.  If there were any sea creatures in the pool I guarantee they could see the complete outline of my dong and asscrack.  But I'm not exactly sure what I'm expecting out of this, I just kinda swim over by the stripper trying to be smooth.  She's drinking and vulnerable so maybe I can have one of those random pool hookups like in all those National Lampoons movies, right?  I was really out of my element at the time.  I was sober and trying to be daring and just fuckin up... But hey she's still drinking, just be smooth and you will get this RA... And then the other 2 dudes show up again with the tap for the keg. 

Oh yes other 2 guys, please come join us in the pool...motherfuckers.  Of course these dudes tried to swoop in for the kill themselves.  The guy that is trying to hook up with the stripper takes off her bra and throws out of the pool, I think it actually went over the wall.  By this time I'm just like fuck this, I don't want a Duke lacrosse situation.  I go over to the keg and start drinking with my friends, but there was still a spectacle in the pool.  The stripper and the fat girl start making out and the 2 guys are trying to get in on the girls.  The one guy is like trying to screw the back of the stripper's neck, which I didn't even know was an orifice.  She gets out of the pool seemingly disgusted and pissed off and starts to leave.  Problem is she only had a thong on. 

My roommate is the only one that was just kinda hanging back the whole time so he tries to stop her.  She puts on her jeans and then tries to get in her car topless and drunk as hell.  Mark somehow convinced not to leave right away, at least not without her shirt on.  But I guess this goes to show drunk, vulnerable strippers aren't sure things when you're swimming in just boxers.  And before you call me a pussy or a fag for not scoring in this situation, I did also invent the underwater keg stand, aka submarine this night.  No that doesn't make up for my failure, but c'mon how many of my stories have happy endings?  Besides just like at a strip club, you can look, but you can't touch...or so I'm told.  I've never actually been to a stripclub...Okay now you can call me a pussy. 

I just remembered my friend also stole her camera and took pictures of her naked and of his schlong, then put it back in her bag.  Fuckin college man.