Douchebag of the Month vs. Ryan Allen: June

This is a blog not the fuckin People's Choice Awards.  These are the people that pissed me off this month.

Tito Ortiz- Over the years Tito has shown time and time again he is a quite the sack of douche.  Sure he is an accomplished MMA fighter and actually seems to be a decent coach for up and coming fighters, he just can't escape his god given ability to be a royal dong.  Well I guess what should you expect from a 35 year old dude that bleaches his hair just as often as his wife bleaches her bat cave?  He went on the Ultimate Fighter as a coach, knowing well he had an injury, yet said he was willing to fight Chuck Liddell.  Well all of a sudden he gets closer to the fight and has to pull out due to his neck injury.  Then he has the nerve to call a fighter on his team a "pussy" for quitting during his fight.  C'mon Tito, you're the clear cut pussy here.  And in the meantime got arrested for allegedly assaulting his wife, Jenna Jameson.  Tito, you are a douchebag, and everyone reading this blog has seen your wife take more shots to the face than you have in any of your fights.

Shannon Price, aka Gary Coleman's widow- I'm not here to poke fun at Gary Coleman, yeah he was vertically challenged, and on tv, and out of his fucking mind, but still it sucked that he died.  His wife couldn't have been anymore of an asshole throughout the whole deal though.  Let's start with the 911 call.  She hears Gary hit his head and sees that he is bleeding and runs to the phone.  While talking to the 911 operator, she is unwilling to check on Gary because she gets panic attacks and seizures and might "seize".  I'm pretty sure that is not the correct verbage for having a seizure, but I digress.  Her husband is bleeding and dying and the most she was willing to do was hand him a towel and open the door for the parametics.  After Gary dies, she starts hitting up the tabloids, willing to sell them pictures of a dead Gary Coleman.  Are fucking kidding me?  Maybe if I show up with a bloody nose at her house she will "seize". (Not actual threat)

Koman Coulibaly, World Cup referee- The referee of the U.S.-Slovenia game, who disallowed a U.S. goal, which would have ultimately won the game.  It was a clear goal, which everything seemed to be perfectly set up for.  No fouls, no offsides, no nothing.  Yet Mr. Coulibaly, does not allow the goal, and then refuses to tell the players of what the call is.  Hey asshole, America has had plenty of problems winning in soccer without your dumb Malian ass making up bullshit calls so gay countries like Slovenia can benefit.  Luckily, this douche will not be reffing in Round 2.  Koman can go spend that time finding a way to insert his own head up his ass.  Good luck!

Justin Bieber- I honestly never heard of this kid before my friend Josh brought up his hatred for him not too long ago.  Seems to me like he's the dude version of Hannah Montana.  Except she has much more of a manly voice.  But this kid is all over the damn place now: on fuckin lunchboxes, trapper keepers, bumper stickers, and so on.  And I'm getting sick of all these barely teen fuckin kids with that same god damn haircut.  Every kid has that fuckin long hair, emo, skater, faggy look.  It's like all the diverse groups that existed when I was a kid melted together to form one ultimate douche look.  I see this kid as the ring leader and he is in for a rude awakening when his balls drop, gets acne, and tries coke for the first time.  Career over nigga.  Drug addiction and prison will be just around the corner.  Ask New Kids on the Block.  I heard two of them got arrested and in prison they were renamed New Fish on the Cock.  And supposedly this kid did a photoshoot where he kissed Kim Kardashian.  Already getting used to that taste of black dong on your lips eh kid? 

Ryan Allen- I thinking I'm slowly starting to build up a more noticeable doucheness to my mindset of talking to girls.  For instance, earlier this week I went to the bank.  The bank teller was a decently cute girl of maybe 20 years, when I decided to pull a new line on her.  "I'm just depositing money, because I'm getting ready to go to India in a couple weeks".  Girl becomes obviously intrigued because who the fuck goes to India?  I tell her I'm kind of a spiritual person.  Plus girls like guys that travel.  And I figure its not something too obvious like backpacking through Europe or the high school thing like Mexico or Canada.  India meant to her that I probably a) am very cultured, b) smoke a lot of pot, and c) have decent money to afford such a trip.  So for now I'll be saying that I'm going to India any week now. 

As usual I'll leave Dbag of the Month up to voting, please avoid a tie this time.
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Douche activity of the month- Icing.  To review, at a party, one douche will go up to someone and say they have been "iced" and must get on one knee and chug a Smirnoff Ice.  If they refuse the douche will call them a fag or something.  In my humble opinion the only reason to ever buy Smirnoff Ice is when in hopes of buttering up a cute naive 19 year old chick.  Just don't do it people.

Douche band of the month- Buckcherry.  Not that they did anything relevant this month, or even this year.  But I hate them oh so much.  And I thought about that fact a couple times this month.

Douche from the 90's- J.T. Lambert from Step-by-Step.  The kid was a douche.  Did not deserve to have hot sisters (not Dana) or hang with the Codeman.

Winner: Justin Bieber. Homo, douche, fag.  Go fuck yourself.