The U.S. is playing Algeria in a crucial soccer match with a trip to the next round of the World Cup on the line. That should be a big enough deal for you people to somewhat care...or at least because there really isn't anything else going on of importance on Wednesday. But always willing to add fuel to the fire, I give you 5 reasons Algeria can suck my fat one.
1. French is the most widely studied foreign language in the country- Look Algeria, if you're trying to get on America's good side you can't just go around admiring the French. The French are quitters and don't enjoy ketchup or ranch dressing. And apparently France invaded Algeria in the 1800's. That's like getting beat up by your sister. Embarrassing.
2. Olive oil. I'm no expert on olive oil, but I have heard of Bertolli's Olive Oil. That shit is supposed to be Italian. Well in reality a lot of that "Italy's finest" olive oil is coming from Algeria. The fuck? Next thing you know people will be driving Ferrari's made in Colombia, snorting cocaine imported from Iceland, and buying hookers off the internet from Ohio. God damn outsourcing.
3. The name Algeria. Sounds like something you'd get if you fell out of a boat in the Amazon and got your balls bitten by a rare half fish, half seaweed hybrid. Side effects include nausea, teeth grinding, racial outbursts directed toward Nicaraguans and their "tuna sandwich" appearance. I think Africa just named their nations from the diseases that were discovered there. Fuck this Ghana is making my testicles itch.
4. The flag kinda reminds me of the Soviet flag. What do you have to hide Algeria? I know the Soviets used to spend a lot of time chilling in Northern Africa. I'm on to you commi bastards. Russia is also building two 636-type diesel submarines for Algeria. Why does Africa need submarines? Did lions and gazelles and shit create their own navy which could be deemed as a threat? Fuck that.
5. Nearly 100% of Algerians are Muslims. Not saying I think all Muslims are terrorists or racist assholes. But that kind of non-diversity just doesn't look great for a country. It's like going to a zoo that only has giraffes. Okay giraffes are cool, but wouldn't mind seeing a damn rhino you know?
Anyway enjoy the game, and to Algeria...right here buddy
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