The 2010 Winter Olympics start this weekend in Vancouver. Most people are more familiar and interested by the Summer Olympics and look down on the Winter sports. It's understandable because yes, it is easier to make stars out of egotistical basketball players, track and field crackheads, jail bait gymnasts, and swimmers showing full dong in their speedos. I mean that's what American athletes are good for, right? But don't hate on the Winter Games because there are plenty of things to look forward to. Here are 10 reasons you should pay attention to the 2010 Winter Olympics.
1. Lindsey Vonn
Americans always want a star athlete during the Olympics that competes in multiple events and can dominate those amazon beasts from other countries. Lindsey Vonn is considered a favorite in 3 skiing events, tho will be competing in 5, and is actually pretty cute. Unfortunately, she does have some injury so there is a chance she might not compete, but they will still talk about her and show her pictures, which is all the more important. But if she competes she has a chance to be like the Michael Phelps of the Winter Olympics... No word on if she hits the bong too.2. Olympic Hockey
The NHL is the most disperse professional sports league in America, with most players hailing from countries outside the U.S. Over the past few years hockey has really been making a strong comeback into the public eye with young stars like Sidney Crosby (Canada), Evgeni Malkin (Russia), and Alexander Ovechkin (douchebag). Even in the U.S. we got Patrick Kane, so we might have some chance. In the Olympics, there is almost no fighting and there is a faster pace of play on offense. The games are exciting and competitive, which will hopefully lead to the most entertaining hockey you have watched since the Mighty Ducks beat Iceland in Mighty Ducks 2. Knuckle puck bitch.
3. Women's Figure Skating
There is always a hot figure skater. Much to my chagrin, Sasha Cohen didn't qualify this year. But I'm sure there will a cute chick this year. Side note, men's figure skating is gay. Don't watch that.
4. Curling
Cuz there has to be a sport that is good for drinking. I hear Canada is good at this event. If you've never heard of curling its like darts on ice using a giant hockey puck and brooms. May sound stupid, but you have obviously never gotten drunk and thrown beer bottles out of the car window at street signs... I'm just sayin'.5. "Sanka, you dead mon". "Yeah mon"
I don't believe I have ever met a person who doesn't love Cool Runnings (I tune out negative opinions). The idea of Jamaicans in Winter sports is still pretty crazy. I hope they all have lucky eggs. Well this year does include a Jamaican skier, Errol Kerr (I googled that shit). I will be drinking a Red Stripe and wearing my dreads in support of my Rasta brother.
6. Uphill Skiing
Look, these dudes spent all this time training to ski up a fucking mountain, the least you can do is watch for a minute or two. I'm sure it's boring, but that shit can't be easy. How do you even decide to become an uphill skier? "Damn it, I get down the hill way too quick, there has to be a solution... I got it, I'll ski uphill. It will be like making love to my wife's anus before her vagina"... God, I need a girlfriend.
7. Shawn White
The Flying Tomato. Probably, heard of the dude. Red hair, snowboard, acne, skateboard. Probably gets any chick he wants eventhough he looks like Raggity Ann. But the kid is a beast in his events.
8. Checking German "female" speed skaters for bear claw
I've seen a German porn or two in my day and some of those chicks are packing heat. Enter the tightest outfits in sports and you will see camel toe, moose knuckle, and a guaranteed example of bear claw.
9. Fuck Finland
There has to be one country you just want to lose everything. For me it's that asshole, Finland. Fuck em.
10. Well...
I mean it's cold... It's uhh... more sports about technique rather than just athleticism... There are mostly athletes that do well in cold weather... No basketball, no track... Just lots of snow...
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