Where are they now?

Aaliyah: Singer, actress, hottie

She was really starting to become famous doing such highly acclaimed movies as Romeo Must Die with the talented Jet Li, and Queen of the Damned with…umm… white people. She also had some hit songs and videos, which helped me through puberty. And then she just goes on some trip to some island and disappears off the face of the earth? There is something wrong about this…

Well let’s see, she was near the Bermuda Triangle thing so that had to come into play. And at 15 years old she married R. Kelly. Wait a tick, R. Kelly got busted for peeing on a 15 year old right? And that bitch was not movin out the way of that golden stream. Aaliyah, 15, pee, R. Kelly. I got it!

Aaliyah’s plane must have been engorged flying threw the Bermuda Triangle, which sent her into a constant time warp where she replays the same 30 seconds at a point in her life; the point at which R. Kelly was peeing on her, giving the thumbs up. Damn. She seemed like a good chick, a total hot black. It’s a damn shame she is spending her life face forward in R. Kelly’s urine fountain. I would have told her to hide in the closet from that pissaholic, but you know he’d be there.

Well Aaliyah, I’m sure you’re trying to give signs for help in that video, too bad its government evidence now. Wherever you are now, here’s to you.