Douchebag of the Month vs. Ryan Allen: January

In depth look at the biggest douchebags of the month and Ryan Allen. A very unoriginal idea.

Jay Leno- When you make a big deal out of leaving your vaunted job and title as host of the Tonight Show, you should probably make sure that’s what you really want. Jay Leno has been a doucher for sometime, but I mean come on! Yes, I’ve always been more of a fan of Conan, but still it’s a real scumbag move to leave your career because you’re ready to move on with your life and then immediately panic and use your existing strings in a company to get a similar job. Conan had to follow that asschin dickmaster for 12 years or so and then finally got the break of his life when he was named to be the new Tonight Show host. Then Jay Leno cockblocks Conan’s victory parade by getting the Jay Leno Show, which is on right before Conan, again. Then ratings aren’t so good for asscheese Jay so he pulls his strings again to get a better time slot. Obvious result, Conan gets mad, resembles Hawaiian Punch character, and says “fuck you, NBC”. Jay Leno gets to resume as host of Tonight Show, therefore… Jay Leno, you are a douchebag.

Earthquake in Haiti- Haiti has enough problems without 7.0 earthquakes ruining shit, you dick. Earthquake in Haiti, you are a douchebag.

Mark McGwire- Look man, everyone knew that you used steroids, you never needed to lie or avoid questions about it. But you were actually a likeable player so no one cared until you made an ass of yourself. It’s kind of a douchy move to start admitting now about your steroid use since you have a new job as a hitting coach for the Cardinals and want your spot in the Hall of Fame. If you had admitted before you would have gotten more sympathy because at least you would have come across as somewhat of an honest fellow. But no, you deny and avoid questions about steroids like they were your dear old Aunt Kay, smelling of oatmeal and death. Also claimed steroids didn’t help him hit more home runs. I just seriously doubt that. The man is really starting to resemble that Droopy dog character from cartoons. Mark McGwire, stop being a douchebag because you don’t seem to be that big of one.



LeBron James- You are one of the biggest reasons that basketball sucks now. You’re not bigger than the sport so you could really stop acting that way. Name another sport where you can dance around all game and not get knocked the fuck out? Plus last year he says “oh, next year I’ll be in the dunk contest”. Well its 2010 and guess who isn’t in the dunk contest? If this guy is the top player in the sport, then I can do without it. I just hope one day one of these fucks get some dignity and punch him in the face when he starts dancing.(Please) LeBron James, you are a douchebag…wiki wiki douchebag.





Lane Kiffin- This guy becomes head coach for the University of Tennessee football team in 2009 and then a year later, just up and leaves to take job as coach of USC football. That’s just not a cool thing to do in college because you have to recruit kids to come to the school and… to spare the details, leaving fucks over kids at the school and madness ensues…


Couldn’t say it better myself…Lane Kiffin, douchebag.



Ryan Allen- When on a date at a bowling alley, is it a douchebag move to be more interested in loading up on Jack and Coke's then your date? Kinda, but c'mon it was a bad date, the girl spoke as much as Helen Keller. Just not as much personality. Ok, that was a douche statement. Yet, can't say it was too big of a douche bag month for myself. Ryan Allen, kind of a douchebag.



Winner- Jay Leno. Although the Haiti thing is quite awful, its hard to call acts of nature a douche bag. So Jay Leno, you are the first recipient of the Douchebag of the Month, I hope you can top this perfomance in February.